MY Self-Assessment, MY UM Project--My Truth

Disclaimer: Before you read, please know--I have not re-read, or proof-read a word of this. There might be typos, even spelling mistakes. There might be sentence fragments. My God. Anything but sentence fragments. However, it is the truth that comes when I take what is in my heart and put it in my hand.

“He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.”
--HDT

Our World Literature class was born out of a hope, a hunch, and the raw material that takes the form of words spoken by the prophets, both past and present, from abroad and those from these shores. The hope was to create an uncommon school because the hunch was students wanted, needed, something more than the simple answers they are told to memorize, to recite, to believe. It was born during a time when I was hungry and rooted in the notion, “I rebel, so we can exist.”
I was hungry for something more than the common English class—a place centered on the students asking questions and the teacher providing the answers and then given a value determinant on how well those students were able to re-shape the previously spoken answers. My hope was that if I rebelled from the norm of what was common practice in regards to what a teacher should do, or be, that students would become the life-blood of the dialogue; and the hunch was that they would exist more fully as students.
However, at this time, in this moment, I am filled with doubt, and I am not sure that the experiment has reaped the rewards the offering was designed to generate. At moments, I have a felt a ripple; I felt that ripple on your convocation when the words of Camus were given life again—I felt that ripple even though I was in another state, away from you, even though the words were declared by a voice that was not my own. Yet the ripple is not a wave—and in my bones I feel as if…
Somewhere near Jepp, a little off the beat and path, someone has spray painted the words “This Machine Kills Intellectuals.” Perhaps this is another ripple—but the wave I feel, the wave I see, says something else, “Man has no time to be anything but a machine.” So, I wonder which statement is correct, and I currently ponder what machine is actually killing the intellectual?
Dr. Cornell West is one of my gurus—but he is also my brother. Recently, I was sent a speech that Brother West gave, and I read these words:
"Everywhere I go I try to say something that unnerves people," he told the audience that filled the Smith Opera House to capacity, because, as Socrates said, "an unexamined life is not worth living…Giving up certain assumptions, reexamining dogmas you brought from home--it's a form of death to live more abundantly, more deeply. Courage is the enabling virtue."
In the beginning, I had the courage to unnerve people by giving them the opportunity to examine their life more deeply using the tool of universal truths and world literature as a magnifying glass. In the hope that this process would bring to life the language that would allow death, transformation, to take place—and for courage and virtue to take the form a newly created, and free-thinking, student.
In the beginning, I held true to Kafka’s word—I held it very close, it was a cloak that I hid my fear behind, under, within—I waited. However, now it is the middle, and perhaps, the time for waiting has come to an end. Maybe, I need to stop waiting for your questions, declarations, and answers—and maybe, I need to start providing you with some answers. So, while it is the middle, let me for a brief moment, go back to the beginning.
This story, the story of world literature, started when I was hungry, and it was a hunger, a story that will not pass on…it is a story of, a vision of student’s today. Before I begin, all I echo is—this has been planned but the purpose has yet to be discovered:

-The Dancing Mind: Q: Are student’s at BA that the Princeton student laboring for so long under a false curse only to realize that the only work that matters is when your mind dances, independently, with another? A: Yes, and it is my duty to awaken them to this truth as soon as possible—before they are that Princeton student…

-Shorris, “Education As A Weapon,” (But this was optional). Shorris writes, “You have been cheated. Rich people learn humanities; you didn’t. The humanities are a foundation for getting along in the world, for thinking, for learning, to reflect on the world instead of just reacting to whatever force is turned against you. I think that humanities are one of the ways to become political, and I don’t mean political in the sense of voting in an election but in the broad sense…I told them Thucydides’ definition of politics.” Q: How can education be a weapon and what is Thucydides’ definition of politics? A: Education is a weapon that allows students to transform themselves into the people they wish to become and people the world so desperately needs them to be. His definition of politics is power—power to realize the essential truth that he tells his students at the end, “May you never be more active than when you are doing nothing.” But again this assignment was optional—meant to be done alone—when they were not ‘active.’

-Camus, Nobel Prize Speech, he writes: “Truth is mysterious, elusive, always to be conquered. Liberty is dangerous, as hard to live with as it is elating. We must march toward these two goals, painfully but resolutely, certain in advance of our failings on so long a road. What writer would from now on in good conscience dare set himself up as a preacher of virtue? For myself, I must state once more that I am not of this kind. I have never been able to renounce the light, the pleasure of being, and the freedom in which I grew up. But although this nostalgia explains many of my errors and my faults, it has doubtless helped me toward a better understanding of my craft. It is helping me still to support unquestioningly all those silent men who sustain the life made for them in the world only through memory of the return of brief and free happiness.”
Q: Why is truth elusive, what is the virtue of words, what is the ‘light’ he refers to.
A: The Arcade Fire Experience—whatever you take from your heart and put in your hand…when you cease to be a still born….when you realize your father is wearing blinders…when you realize that you have spent a year without light

-Camus, “The Adulterous Woman” Q: What is the worst form of adultery? A: Being untrue to yourself, to your insides, to your gut…Q: What are you now. A: A student. Q: Are you committing in the act of adultery? A: Journal.

-Camus, “The Myth of Sisyphus.” Q: What is your rock. A: being a student. Q: Is the journey to the heights enough? A: Yes, because at that moment Sisyphus is stronger than his rock.

AND THEN CAME (Drum Roll please….)
-THE UNDERGROUND MAN. Q: Is the UM man tough reading? Do most high school students fail to understand its true weight? Is it their story? Are they, because they are students Underground? A: yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
-Q: Does 2 X 2=4 A: Yes, for the vast majority of them
-Q: Does 2 X 2=5 A: Perhaps, for the small minority that have the ability to question, to reflect, to have a the dance take place in their mind, to realize their rock, to read even though they were alone, to take what they felt, even though they did not understand, in their heart and put it in their hand.
-Q: Did you try to confuse them on purpose at certain points of your study of the novel? A: Yes. Q: Why? A: Because F.D. is filled with contradictions—and so are we as people—we only become unstuck as people, we only allow confusion to subside, when we ask questions and have the courage to answer them either in private (journal) or public (blog) forms.
-Q: Did you try and reach out to them? Did you try to help them (they seemed ‘stuck’ at so many times, and there was no syllabus, and they were really confused)? A: Yes, I did try to help them—I took up the pen (not metaphorically but literally), and I started writing them explanations…however, I am not sure how many of them find solace in them, I am not sure how many read them?

-Hamlet In Prison, NPR program. Q: How is To be Or Not to be the only question? How did it connect to the UM? A: It connected to the UM because during our reading of FD many of us were asking this same question—will we be students? But also, it is the UM’s question and the one he is so desperately seeking a solution to…simply, it is all of our questions.

-Modest Mouse, “King Rat”: Q: How does this song contain an invisible string that tethers itself to the UM? A: “Deep water, Deep Water, Shameless denial…we know, we know, we know it was all wrong.” We were in deep water, really deep water, but we contained shameless denial: we latched onto Ahab’s archaic beliefs when we should have been seeking Pip’s enlightenment.

And then you went on college visits, and then you came back, and then we finished the book.

-Avett Brothers, “I and Love and You”: Q: What have become the words that are hard to say? A: Words we think we know—I need help, I am behind, I want…In the end, we are judged on our actions—actions that grow out of the soil that is heartfelt thought.

And now, we are in the middle….but before the middle comes, I wanted to give you questions and answers, I wanted to say again this has all had a purpose. I hope some of these essential question and universal truths (answers) have given you some clarity.
But before the middle comes, I thought I would share two more ideas with you.
The First: Fight Club—what is our fight?
The Second: “All men want, not something to do with, but something to do, or rather something to be.” Maybe the ultimate question is to be or not to be? What will be?

Maybe that is not beginning—maybe the beginning was when I introduced myself, during one of the first assemblies, and said, “I am Andrew Bishop Kasprzak, and I study English 9, American Studies, and World Literature.”
So, before we get to the middle, I will do what I asked you all to do, I will put a number to next to my title:
As a student of World Literature: 92
As a teacher of World Literature: 76

That is honesty, those our answers, this is my self-assessment, this is my Underground Man Project, and now that the answers have been provided the only essential truth I can provide is that my intentions are no longer underground.

So I leave you with one thought and one question:
“Don’t Walk in front of me; I many not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me….”
And
Why are the lights off?

A Thought

Today, at lunch, I had a conversation with someone who said that I was holistic in my approach as a teacher and a grader. With that being said, I found their words humbling--humbling because I have never considered myself a teacher, but rather an active participant in the pursuit of knowledge; I have always considered myself a student rather than a teacher. So, with that being said, it almost feels as if that title fits like a 'suit made out of bees.'

However, I looked up the word holistic tonight--because while I make my life out of words, I am also aware enough to know that I don't understand them completely:

Main Entry: ho·lis·tic 

Pronunciation: \hō-ˈlis-tik\

Function: adjective

Date: 1926

1 : of or relating to holism
2 : relating to or concerned with wholes or with complete systems rather than with the analysis of, treatment of, or dissection into parts body> 

— ho·lis·ti·cal·ly  \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

I am not very smart, so I had to look up the word holism, and I found:

Main Entry: ho·lism 

Pronunciation: \ˈhō-ˌli-zəm\

Function: noun

Etymology: hol- + -ism

Date: 1926

1 : a theory that the universe and especially living nature is correctly seen in terms of interacting wholes (as of living organisms) that are more than the mere sum of elementary particles
2 : a holistic study or method of treatment

— ho·list  \ˈhō-list\ noun

I found these definitions very interesting and they have led me to ask a whole host (ha, ha, ha) of questions, but I am sure that you are not interested in questions, but rather with answers--so here are a few:

1.) I have read every word that you have written--whether those words have taken the form of an email, a blog entry, a self-assessment, a poem, a journal entry. Well not every word because I have not seen your journals for a bit of time now.

2.) Those words have been assessed--by me, but more importantly I hope that you have assessed them honestly and accurately. And, I have no problem providing feedback--I am just wondering why no one has asked for it, no one has demanded it...but, I apologize, because I ramble like the UM, and that is a question and not an answer.

3.) Again all of this has been planed and prepared....for the nay-sayers, I would encourage you to play it louder, or to just go back to the beginning--perhaps looking at our first HW assignment, or the first words we read in class would be a good place to start.

4.) I think some of the blog entries you have written this quarter are stronger, more articulate, and more complex in the thoughts they provide then some of the papers you have written for other classes at other times. Thus, I will say--if you would like me to provide feedback on them, to talk about them with you, to show you how I assessed them....just ask--because I do think they would provide stellar examples of the thoughts you are able to render as students; I think colleges would be thoroughly impressed with them because they are personal, they show your ability to transfer your understanding of literature to other realms of modern life, and they are well wrought in their construction.

Lastly, I will say--I love Morrison, but I also love HDT (another man crush, I must confess), and I wonder if you remember what HDT called the 'uncommon school' and I wonder if you remember why HDT went to the woods to begin with. 

But I do know that Emerson said, "In order to be good a minister sometimes you have to leave the church." Now that thought is radical--now that thought is great because so many misunderstand it. 

Again, I say this all has a purpose--so I ask again, why are the lights off?

I ramble--but that is good for now--more ramblings will come later, this I am sure of. 

Blog Club

This week--you need to compose one more blog entry on Fight Club, by Friday at the start of the class. Here are the topics I gave you in class on Monday, but please feel free to write about whatever may move you as an artist, person, bystander, punching bag--

1.) Marla—what is the role/function of Marla? Is she real, and how does her lie reflect the narrators lie? How is Marla the problem that will not heal, will our narrator not let it heal?
2.) Tyler muses, “the things we own end up owning us…I say lets evolve.” Is Tyler suggesting that evolution take place by society taking a step back? Is this similar to Thoreau’s notion of “simplify, simplify, simplify” or Dostoevsky’s arithmetic that 2 X 2 =5?
3.) “One can make all sorts of explosive items with simple household things.” Like what? Again, why soap? An obvious question but an answer that may be hard to articulate.
4.) Why have pornography, why have fantasy, is this necessary—is it a good thing? Burgess in the introduction to A Clockwork Orange writes, “I enjoyed ripping and raping by proxy.” Thus, are we all clockwork oranges composed of good and evil, grinding opposition, do we all have impish and evil desires and should we find a way to act on them in healthy ways?

Let me know if you have any questions.

Lastly, let me echo the words of Tyler--"..I say let's evolve." So with these blog entries let us evolve--as a teacher, I am not going to give you word limits or guidelines, I am not going to tell you what I expect or what is expected of you...all I will say is evolve into the students, into the thinkers, you are capable (you want to) of becoming. 

Happy feeling or should I say happy fighting,

Jack's Terrible Sense of Humor

Just a Reminder

that your self-assessments are due Monday at the start of class.

Please feel free to email me with any questions...

Also I thought you might like this song and video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJBsuCfErQQ

"...printed my name on the back of a leaf and watched it float away....but the wind blew me back via Chicago...I am coming home, yes, I am coming home."

A Universal Truth

Please post one universal truth with a brief explanation (one or two sentences) here.

A few helpful ideas for you:

1.) "We know the truth, not only by reason, but by the heart."
2.) "Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you and yourself test and judge to be true."
3.) "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered--thus, the point becomes to discover them."

Wishing you well on the road of discovery.

Best,
AK

One Essential Question

Please post One Essential Question for our study of "Notes from Underground" here:

Simply, what is one core, guiding, question that we have continually asked during our reading of "Notes" and has been answered through our conversations, assignments, and study of the text.

Let me know if you have any questions.

A Thought and a Little Help

Hello--

I hope that this message finds you well.

Below is a link to World Literature's 2008 blog:
https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=3774123752252978846&postID=899634237375650432

If you would like to see examples of how people were answering these questions--there word limit was much shorter than yours; however they exploded the notion of limits because most (if not all) wrote responses that doubled, or tripled, what was asked.

Also--Elkins and Bouchard, your second posts are very, very strong--good job. These are also excellent examples to use.

See you soon,
AK

An Example of an UM Poem

A Glimpse Underground

Basement of a derelict apartment complex,
Astoria, New York, 29th street.
One room is worn-out, lived in.
A bed with a table
A table with a man.
One florescent light drones and click...click...clicks.
The floor is sprinkled with tired calculator batteries
and castaway pencil nubs
and dusted pink eraser crumbs.
The table is strewn with tired notebooks
and yesterday's Chinese cartons
and yesterday's fortunes.
Calculator numbers click...click...click.
He spends his birthdays on a barstool
He spend each Christmas in bed.
Right now he counts
he sighs
he rubs his eyes and closes calculations for the night.
Hour hands wave goodbye...tick...tick...tick.
He lays quietly in a twin bed without turning the lights out.
He registers a lullaby of one florescent bulb.
An Ambulance cries outside.
A couple laughs through the wall at his head.
He closes his eyes slowly and whispers:
"There is no problem I can't solve."

A Little More Help

A Smoke Signal or An S.O.S Message

From A.B. Kasprzak

It is imperative that you do the following as soon as possible, meaning today:

-check your BA email of have it forwarded to another address

-log on to our class page on portal, so you can get to the blog

-establish a username on our blog, and check the blog at least once a day.

I have been trying to get in touch with many of you for the past couple days—and the email thing does not seem to be working…so I sent you a message via the pony express but am also trying this.

For the second blog post:

-By Monday please transform one of your journal entries into a more formal blog response. These entries should be:

-min. of 600 words

-be clear, direct, contain depth of thought, and ooze a sophistication of expression.

-use your real name as your username (no surfbrddrawerdude19)

-Own a thought and be proud of your idea…want to display it in this public form.

-Last, in the words of Win Butler, “take it from your heart and put it in your hand.”

Please let me know if you have any questions—but it is imperative that you give these assignments your utmost attention, effort, and thought…these are our first ‘real’ (whatever that means) assessments.

Good luck,

Fydor Camus

A Link To Help

Below you will find a link that should answer some of your questions about logging and posting your entries:
http://www.google.com/support/blogger/bin/topic.py?hl=en&topic=12457

Again, please let me know if you are having problems--and please continue checking the blog for further updates.

Best,
AK

One of Your Choice

Please place your second blog entry here....again, you should transform one of your Notes From Underground journal entries into a more formal response.

Good luck,

AK

Underground Man Poem

Robert Frost mused, "writing a poem is discovering."

So by writing a poem about the UM, we can, or attempt to, better understand his complex viewpoints and opinions.

Please write a poem that addresses a central theme present within "Notes from Underground." Your poem should highlight your essential understanding of one of the main ideas Fydor is attempting to present.

"Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn." But that is a daunting challenge, so I will simplify that task by offering you two thoughts from Jack Kerouac:
1.) Something you feel will find its own form
2.) No time for poetry, but exactly what is.

Simply put, don't worry about form--just worry about 'feeling' your answers and writing about the ideas that breathe, that are life like, and about the words that chill and burn you.

Good luck see you soon--well not soon enough, so see you next week.

Best,
AK

I am, I am, I am

Thank your attention and effort during today's class. I hope you found enjoyable, insightful, and 'educational.' One of the lines I love from the podcast is "I learned I wasn't stupid, I just wasn't educated."

This prophetic line coming from a man with a third grade education too--in my humble opinion, I don't think PhD. candidates, in all their infinite wisdom, at at all the great educational institutions could craft a thought as succinct, humbling, and provoking as that one.

But, I ramble, and now back to the assignment:
Please transfer the notes from your journal into a more structured reflection. Please feel free to answer the five questions I posed at the start of yesterday's class or you may write about something else that moved you or spoke to you.

If you need more than the 35 minutes, please feel free to continue working on these over the weekend.

I am Laureates--to be or not to be?

Good Luck,
The Blue Whale

PS--please check the blog at least once a day for further assignments.